3 tips to help your anxiety

Anxiety can be debilitating. As a former anxiety & panic attack sufferer myself, the very real fallout that comes along with it all is firsthand knowledge. In my practice, I've coached clients who've lived at every

level of anxiety, from mild, "I don't love speaking in front of a crowd" anxiety to severe, "I have panic attacks so often, I can't leave my house anymore" anxiety and everything in between. Often, those who haven't suffered from invasive, uncontrollable anxiety have difficulty understanding the sudden, unpredictable nature of attacks for many, the degree of physical symptoms that can accompany this disorder, or the depth of the quiet, usually invisible suffering that takes place for the person with anxiety.

While dealing fully with anxiety - especially the more debilitating cases - takes more than 3 simple steps, the steps I'm sharing here are valuable, relevant starting points for every level of anxiety and can be helpful at any stage if followed. Know this: whatever the cause of your anxiety, whatever the level of severity, whether you've had it for 3 months or 30 years, there is always hope and help available. I've seen clients experience dramatic reductions in their symptoms and even completely overcome it. I had panic attacks so badly many years ago that I could barely leave my home and I've been free from it all for many years. Freedom is possible.

If you're exhausted from the anxiety cycle and planning your life around it, tired of making excuses and canceling plans, or leaving occasions or rooms to collect yourself unsure of how you'll explain your absence, here's where it starts. Follow these few, simple steps to begin grasping the root of your anxiety and how to begin to manage it moving forward.

Tip #1 - Get Honest & Do Some Digging

Anxiety can be sneaky in that we don't always know what's triggering it. If you DO know that it came on after a specific event or experience, consider yourself halfway through the battle. If its roots are unclear to you or there's just too much to sort through for the cause to be obvious, understand that there's ALWAYS a cause for anxiety. Now's the time to start to get really honest (sometimes scary!) about things that have occurred throughout the course of your life that could be contributing. Most of us have experiences or people in our lives who have caused us great stress, from overstepping boundaries to serious trauma. Something I KNOW from personal experience is that you can't get fully well if you're not fully honest. Dig deep. See what triggers surface. Even when it's hard to admit some things - maybe about situations we shouldn't have put ourselves in or horrible things people we love have done or an experience that was way more damaging after the fact than it seemed at the time or maybe the devastating loss of a loved one - maybe so much more. Be honest. List the experiences. List the people. List the poor choices or wrongdoing. List the loss. As painful as it is, let yourself remember and reflect on them for a few minutes. Test some things out. All hard things don't lead to anxiety, but all anxiety starts somewhere with hard things. Dig. Get real. See what comes up and be honest with yourself about it.

Tip #2 - Tie Up Loose Ends

Once you've gotten real and faced the tough things, it's time to start tying up some loose ends.

What are loose ends? Loose ends are anything that has been left unhandled, unsaid, undone, or weren't appropriately closed. I'm not talking about huge life goals here, I'm talking about things that drag on and hang out there unfinished that pile up and create a good deal of stress. Loose ends were a huge deal for me in the playing out of my personal anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I've had enough huge, truly catastrophic life events for several lifetimes and those were the major culprits. But ongoing loose ends dangling out there really did some damage, too.

Here's what I mean. Is there a relationship - or a few - that ended poorly and weren't appropriately closed? Maybe harsh words were spoken or someone was ghosted or there was a difficult conversation that needed to be had and never was. And now it's a gnawing loose end. Was there a job that you walked away from and never appropriately quit? Was there someone meaningful who reached out to you via a phone call or text and, while you meant well, you never responded? And now a lot of time has passed, they were hurt, and you feel bad? Is there a doctor's appointment, medical test, procedure, or surgery you know you need and haven't had? And you're concerned? Is there something you did or said that you know you should apologize for but haven't? Things may be bad in that relationship now, but you haven't handled it? And they're all gnawing, loose ends. May sound silly, but general irreponsibility - and that's what this is, intended or not - that piles up in many areas of life like this causes tremendous stress. You may be surprised how much anxiety can come from unhandled business. If it's your usual pattern of behavior to avoid things and leave them unmanaged, I guarantee this is contributing to your anxiety. There may be many additional, more serious factors, but this certainly isn't helpful.

Now's the time, where possible, to start cleaning up your loose ends in manageable chunks. Call and pay those late bills. Call back the person you ghosted. Head back into the job you left without officially quitting and apologize. Have the hard conversation, the medical test, get in touch with the nice people who've reached out to you that you didn't respond to. Handle them. Take ownership, accept responsibility, apologize, get caught up, reach out, do the right thing. Don't do it all at once - that won't be good for anxiety. But make a list and categorically go through to make things right to the best of your ability and tie up the loose ends. You'll feel so much better. Added benefit? Taking THAT responsibility will boost your confidence for handling many other things in your life as well. Your mind and body chemistry will respond positively to managing life's details and you'll begin to crave the order, the closure, the responsibility. Moving forward maturely and managing the details of your life will become a positive sidestream effect and will boost your desire to keep moving forward well.

According to nami.org, over 40 million adults in the US have an anxiety disorder.

Tip #3 - Get With God

As a former anxiety sufferer and as a Christian, I will tell you that there is absolutely NO WAY I would've ever gotten through and eventually over my anxiety without Jesus. I tried it all: different approaches to therapy, anti-anxiety medications, anti-depressants, various exercise/nutrition/massage/reflexology approaches, and more. Some of those thing can be very helpful, particularly if a chemical imbalance is involved. I believe that the medications I took helped me for a time. I was on them for about a year and, due to some extenuating, traumatic events, I needed them. Therapy helped once I found the right therapist. Be very careful with therapists. There are some great ones out there and there are some who actually do more harm than good. Keep aware of their processes and invite the presence of a trusted loved one for additional perspective if need be in more serious cases.

All that to say that while traditional therapeutic approches to anxiety have their place and can work well in some cases, there is simply no replacement for Scripture, the healing power of Jesus, and the peaceful presence of the Holy Spirit when dealing with this. I will attest to the fact that I was absolutely healed of my anxiety. I tried so much with minimal improvement for so long. I needed a touch from God and to trust His timing. It's hard to wait and to have the peace of mind to focus on reading the Bible & praying when anxiety is skyrocketing, I know. But there is great power in God's Word and His promises. Now, we can simply google Scriptures as needed. At the time that I was going through this, google didn't exist, so I purchased a workbook that laid out Scriptures by topic so I could look them up quickly & easily when it was hard to think clearly. I would listen to Scripture on a cd. Now there are many great apps that can help with this. The important thing is getting those Scriptures about peace, sound mind, comfort, God never leaving us, being made strong in our weakness,...all of them...deep into our spirits and not letting go of them. We are who GOD says we are, and He said that perfect love casts out fear. He did not make us anxious, nervous, or afraid. Please seek out Scripture on this and PRAY. Your prayers for healing, inviting God's presence, reminding Him (and yourself!) what He said about you will absolutely change your LIFE and help pull you out of the pit of despair, anxiety and exhaustion. Speak life over your mind, body, and life. I've been there and testify that GOD WILL DO IT. Just ask Him, invite Him in, wait on Him, and believe that He'll do what He said. Faith in the midst of the process is so important.

Listen. Everyone's anxiety experiences, causes, symptoms, and triggers are different. It's important to do what will work best for YOU and get a proper diagnosis. It may be that you need a combination of medication, therapy, and Jesus. It may be that you don't need all of that at all. Seek counsel if you're unclear, do what is medically necessary, but seek God in all things. He's got you. He loves you. He made you for amazing things!

Finally...

Of course, 3 steps to anything will not significantly alter the whole of the issue that's existed over time. That's not what's intended here. This is intended to be a quick start down the right path, some things to think about that I know work as an anxiety survivor and practitioner with clients who suffer from anxiety, a guide to point you toward some helpful ideas. Whatever the tips, tricks, or plans, I pray you are able to focus on getting the help you need, doing the things that need to be done, and healing to wholeness. It's entirely possible! God be with you - He loves you! You will make it through this and it gets better. You're not alone and you are LOVED!

2 Timothy 1:7

'For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.'

*If you wish to seek coaching assistance for your anxiety, please visit https://www.thecomebackcoach.org and get in touch with me. I can help. Bless you! *

*These tips and insights are in no way intended to diagnose or treat any disorders or conditions and should not replace the professional consultations of medical doctors or therapists when needed. This is experiential insight and encouragement and should not be viewed as medical diagnosis or advice.*