more than the worst parts

Culture is strange. Human nature can be strange. Especially right now, in 2024, culture and humanity have combined to form a disillusioned cacophony of misdirected opinions, confusion, and angsty demands. American culture right now reminds me of when a young child wants to make a "recipe" by taking all of their favorite snacks & treats, mixing them together in a bowl, adding some favorite liquid - like juice or chocolate milk - and then dumping the mixture into a pan and asking to bake it. Stands to reason that, being a concoction of all delicious items, there should be a delicious outcome, yes? Yet that's almost never the case when the standard, staple items - like eggs & flour - that hold it all together and make a "good" recipe aren't in the mix & too much of a good thing is. Our culture has grabbed all of the things that each sound really good - like tolerance, wokeness, free this & free that - and stirred them all up into a frothy, slimy, sugary blob. No one can tell what's what anymore, it doesn't all go well together, and it will only burn to a crisp and not bake to a golden brown without the staples holding it all together - like morals, absolutes, work ethic, and mutual respect.

All of that to say, I think we can agree that culture and human nature, while sometimes powerfully good, can also sometimes lead us in unfavorable directions, much like an incomplete recipe. It seems it has become - or maybe always has been? - human nature to live with our trauma on our sleeves. What started out, I believe, as a good thing - to be open about our pain so we can heal, to be honest, to get help, to share and grow - has taken an unfortunate turn in some cases. We have now become a culture that often identifies others and even ourselves by our trauma, our hardships, what we lack, or have been tough enough to survive. The danger here is that we can tend to build our lives around the hard things and the time it takes to recover from the hard things to such an extent that we bury the good things. The triumphant moments, the good memories, the warmth, the wins all end up so far under the dirt that they're often never seen or talked about again. And, really, in most cases, there are probably far more good, warm, lovely things to build our lives around than there are hard things.

In an effort to heal - and that's so wise to do - some have made their entire lives about the pain. They label themselves "the addict" or "the abused" or "the one who was sick" or "the broke" or "the forgotten one." It goes without saying that while we're still in the middle of dealing with something, we have to focus on that thing to get better and improve the situation. And, of course, going through legitimate traumas like these leaves a mark and takes some time to recalibrate from. It never really leaves us. But should we always be just that? Just the trauma? Just the illness? The accident? The mistake? The rough spot? The pain?

I believe we have more to offer than letting our lives be only about the worst parts of them.

Yes, we must use our pain to help other people. Yes, we often have to talk about it and make it known in order to be able to help someone else. There's no shame in that. I'm not talking about hiding it. I'm talking about letting it be what it is and using it for healing and goodness in others' lives, but letting it become a scar. Letting it get thick and strong and faded. We have to stop constantly picking the scab so that it continues to bleed forever. When we're forever nursing a bleeding wound, we can't possibly give ample attention to the other good & healthy things happening in and around us.

I don't speak from a place of ignorance or cluelessness. I have been traumatized. Many times. I have - thank GOD - healed, grown, flourished, and used the pain to help rescue others. That has been a great honor of my life - my big flex. But I have also been in the space before that didn't allow myself to fully deal & heal. I was in space where I labeled myself "the abandoned," "the abused," "the raped," "the ill." I was not happy to come by those titles, but they were part of who I was. And I got stuck there, having a difficult time finding the at least 75% and likely more of other things that were good in my life. It was important for me to admit, address, and heal from all of the things. But it was unfortunate that I identified so much with those labels that I missed so many others. I bought into the idea that those things were all I could ever be. That, somehow, my life was out of my hands. That what had been done was done and was also defining. Those things simply aren't true. Others and their poor choices do. not. define. us. Not if we don't allow them to. They try to take power. Assert their power. Overpower. But if we don't let go of our power, it's not going anywhere.

Listen. I wouldn't be where I am today without admitting, sharing, dealing, facing, and healing. I wouldn't be where I am today without the incredible grace and mercy of God. I also wouldn't be where I am - and I'm in a really good place - without being willing to let go of the labels and definitions of traumatic people, places, and things. We can never move forward toward the hope, restoration, or a future without shedding the labels and poison of the past. We can never move past the bad stuff if we don't peel it off and step away from it. As much as it's human nature to focus on struggles, to band together over bad habits or hardship or the down-trodden places we've been & lived, as much as it's human nature to seek a little sympathy and crave a little attention, we have to realize we are more than the worst parts of us. We have to realize our lives are worth more than the worst parts of them. And I'll say it again...

I believe we have more to offer than letting our lives be only about the worst parts of them.

Time to offer up the good stuff. To live out the possibilities, the gifts we've been given, the dreams we hold, the love we can share. Life can be and has been hard enough, right? Let's offer more. Let's identify differently. Let's seek others who celebrate strength and faith and growth and goodness. We can refuse the leanings of human nature. We can reject the tendencies to join forces over misery. We can refuse to be mislabeled. We can choose our monikers and highlight them. Let's let our lives be consumed by the best parts of them - of us. And let's put them on display. With s spotlight on them. So others can see what's possible.

Isaiah 43:18-19

"Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past. See, I am doing a new thing!"